01.20.08

The star-spangled Stormy

Posted in Lake Superior at 7:27 am by Henry

The temperature in Ironwood at the western end of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan is minus 15 degrees F as I write this, but you can rest assured that even bald men who wear Stormy Kromers will not suffer from scalp freeze. For those of you who are relative newcomers to this blog: Last January 21, almost exactly a year ago, I wrote about the iconic U.P. headgear and modeled an example.

The Kromer is back in the news not just because the Alberta Clipper again has the Midwest in its icy grip, but also because the hat’s manufacturer is trying to get the U.S. Olympic Committee to outfit American athletes with the cap for the opening ceremonies. Yesterday Bob Jacquart, the Kromer manufacturer, was to have made a pitch to the USOC at Marquette, Michigan, but he had only 15 minutes to do the job, and he faced tough competition from Roots, a big, deep-pocketsed Canadian outfitter that has had the headgear contract since 2002 (it expires in 2010). Like everybody else whose trademarks appear on athletic uniforms, Roots pays for the privilege, and the dough is considerable.

There was no news about the meeting in this morning’s papers, suggesting that Jacquart was unsuccessful in his mission.

But a scandal — a major scandal — is brewing, and I’ll see if I can fan the flames some.

It is absolutely disgusting that a foreign company — a company owned by aliens! — owns the tops of the heads of American athletes. Until this state of affairs ends and “made in America” (the real America, you commies) flies from their pates, I propose that a twenty-four-foot-high steel fence be built from the western edge of the Soo Locks to the falls of the St. Mary’s River and that the underwater border across Lake Superior be mined by submarines.

Pat Buchanan and Lou Dobbs, wake up your followers! What use is nativism unless it protects us from invaders from both north and south?

By the way, do not ever make the mistake of viewing a Stormy Kromer as just another dorky “Elmer Fudd” hat. The Fudd has big earflaps that tie on top of the hat. A Kromer has half-earflaps that tie in front, just above the bill, and the purpose is to snug the hat on your head in high winds, not to warm the ears.

I own two Kromers now. The first, the one modeled in last year’s blog entry, was a gift from an Upper Peninsula sheriff’s deputy who has given me considerable assistance with my mystery novels. It sports a six-pointed “Gogebic County Sheriff” star.

Last March, when I gave a clearly able-bodied young lady a dirty look for parking her Expedition in a handicapped slot, she reacted with surprising defensiveness. Then I realized I was wearing my star-bedecked Kromer and she thought . . . I got out of there fast, before the cops nailed me for impersonating a law enforcement officer.

I now wear a regular Kromer, but I miss the star. It was always good for starting conversations about the Upper Peninsula.

(With thanks to the Green Hermit for the, uh, heads-up.)

[January 24: Today I just happened to be reading Madeleine Albright’s new book Memo to the President Elect, and came across a passage describing how the former U.S. secretary of state helped carry the Olympic torch to Salt Lake City for the 2002 Winter Games. The Olympic Committee sent her an official U.S Olympic track suit for the job:

[”When my uniform arrived, I glanced at the label, which read ‘Made in Myanmar,’ that is, Burma, a country that suffers under one of the most repressive governments on earth. It was not yet illegal to import clothing from Burma, but public pressure had induced most U.S. retailers to stop doing business there. I had my own grounds for revulsion, having visited the country to pledge support for its courageous democratic leader, the Nobel laureate Aung San Suu Kyi. I was furious about the uniform but knew it was too late to reorder all the clothing, though I did go out and buy my own shirt and pants (Made in America). When I arrived in Salt Lake City, I informed Mitt Romney, head of the U.S. Olympic committee, about the gaffe; he thanked me kindly for keeping my mouth shut. The following year, Congress approved a ban on all imports from Burma.”]

Return to or visit Henry Kisor’s web site

Permalink